Jill's Blog

By Beth Gilbert (Washington Post)
Saturday, May 10, 2008

Of course you know some real estate agents.

The National Association of Realtors has 1,235,598 members. Some are bound to live on your street, be in your yoga class or coach your child's soccer team.

"I don't know what I'd do if we had to sell our house," lamented Ellen Leander, a Northwest Washington homeowner who has three sons and is involved in her children's many activities. "I know so many real estate agents -- how would I choose one?"

If and when that time comes, how do you tactfully navigate the ocean of representation pitches, retain your friendships and feel confident that you picked the right agent?

"Choose someone that you have confidence in as a professional," said Dennis Melby, president of the Greater Capital Area Association of Realtors, whose members include 11,000 agents in the District and Montgomery County.

How do you do that? First, ask yourself, "What exactly do I need?" Are you buying, selling or both? Are you moving out of the area or staying local? Real estate agents have personalities as well as specializations. Some connect on a more personal level and tend to be better at finding you a place to live. Others focus more on sales, and you may be considering one whose postcards frequently arrive in your mail.

Before you choose to work with a friend, ask yourself what type of agent that person is. If you are moving out of the area, does he have the experience and affiliations to find you a home in another state or country? Also realize that an agent will be privy to your financial data and other personal information.

If you are staying local, will you continue to have contact after the transaction? If hiring someone destroys your friendship, what other parts of your life will be affected? Do you have mutual friends, share a place of worship or spend holidays with the prospective agent? If your friend is doing you a favor, even reducing his commission, would you hesitate to ask questions, tell him you are not completely satisfied or disagree with his advice? And when it comes to doing the deal, you want someone who can negotiate so that you're confident you were properly represented.

Nam Pho, a technology consultant, gave the listing to sell his Tysons Corner home to his cousin. "Although it was more than three years ago, small issues still linger and ultimately affected our relationship," he said. Pho was satisfied with the results of the sale but did not work with his cousin when buying his current home in Springfield.

"The lesson learned is: What's best for me and my family? And the answer to that is who is going to give me the best deal. A real friend would do what's best for me, and that translates into the lowest possible commission." After navigating the trickiest of diplomatic situations, working with a relative, Pho now follows the example of his father, who never does business with relatives.

"As a Realtor, it's often more challenging to work with a friend or relative, as there is a level of familiarity that can make it difficult to give them advice," Melby said. He added that it's frequently better to work with someone you don't know and that you should choose your agent based on recommendations from past clients.

"It's easier to be blunt with someone who is not a friend or relative," he said. For example, an agent who lists your house for sale probably will make recommendations on necessary improvements or updates. Hearing that the faux finish you painstakingly applied to your den may turn off buyers or that spending thousands to replace your kitchen counters with granite would make your home more appealing may come across as sound advice from a neutral professional but as criticism from a friend.

To avoid hurt feelings, Melby said, tell your friends -- the agents you may not choose to represent you -- that you value their friendship and would recommend them to others.

Others find that working with a longtime friend ensures trust, which can ease the stress related to the transaction and transition. "She never cuts us any deals," Judy Fisher said of her friend and real estate broker, Louise Wallace, whom she has known for 35 years. Wallace owns a firm in Fairfax and over the years has bought and sold eight properties for Fisher and her family. Fisher calls Wallace the hardest-working agent she knows. "I appreciate and respect that she treats everyone the same," she said.

Wallace persisted in getting the desired price that one of Fisher's children wanted when selling a home. Wallace also acted as Fisher's surrogate when her parents had to sell their home before moving to an assisted-living facility and Fisher was overseas.

"I've always charged my professional rate," Wallace said. "This keeps the relationship on a business level."

John Taylor, an agent with Chatel Real Estate in Georgetown, has worked with D.C. lawyer Robert Dahl on five transactions over 20 years: three condominium purchases and two sales. "John and I met socially, and then I called him months later when I decided to buy instead of rent," Dahl said. "He's always shown me a range of properties in my price range. He educated me but didn't waste my time, and in the end, I was completely satisfied with my decision."

Dahl said Taylor's attention to detail won his confidence. "A good Realtor must be attentive to details. John takes the worry out of the process, and every transaction has gone smoothly."

Instead of turning a friendship into a business relationship, Alberto Iraola, who owns a landscaping company and has a real estate license, referred his friend of nearly 40 years, Steven Evans, to another agent. For this referral, Iraola received a 1.5 percent commission that he then gave to Evans. "Al and I have known each other a long time, and this ended up working out great for both of us," Evans said.

Evans, a general contractor, put the extra money toward closing costs and renovations to his new home in Kensington.

And the two remain good friends.